Careers get the best of us sometimes. It’s mostly Joe’s fault for not keeping up with this blog.

I can’t even remember what I was going to say now other than R.E.M. Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin, Tom Petty, and The Rolling Stones fucking rock.

Beards are gay!

I think a good start involves coffee, Led Zeppelin, and breakfast.

Beards are Gay

Bitches be crazy.

Beards are Gay

I feel bad for the little boy who winds up with Michael Jackson as a guardian angel.

Beards are Gay

I know I made a promise to write some new posts a couple weeks ago.  A promise that I sort of maybe flaked on, considering I haven’t posted a single thing since. 

I also dropped a few hints about the details of my trip to Natural Bridge, VA.  A tale that involves dinosaurs, patriotic head-wear, and beef jerky.  A tale that I promised to tell very soon.  And that is one promise I intend to keep…

But not right now.

No.  For a variety of reasons, I will continue to delay that post.  But I have something exactly as good to share: Excuses!  The reasons I’m not giving you the post I promised.  But at least they are good reasons. 

First, the reason I haven’t been posting:  Last week I saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  If you haven’t seen it, it is simultaniously mind-blowlingly racist and brain rottingly stupid, and in it’s wake, I felt I had to immediately recuse myself from writing anything, lest it dissolve into an overly long, profanity filled cluster-fuck of “But wait, it gets even worse…” tail chasing.  (we all remember the two-parted  ”The Happening” post.  There is no need for a repeat.)  Luckily, I have been able to blow off enough steam via anti-Transformers facebook status updates, (most of which were something to the effect of “Michael Bay: I want to fight you,” that I no longer feel the need to allow this site to become a dumping ground for my angry complaints.  Especially since those complaints have already been voiced, often times said better, more publically, and endlessly repeated.  I will, however, say this and only this; Michael Bay has, in my opinion, made a movie so bad that he deserves to serve actual jail time for it.

Second, why I am not posting now:  For me to properly recount the story of my trip, there are some artifacts which I really cannot put into words.  That you really must see to fully understand.  Unfortunately, my cheap-o digital camera is currently making it’s way to the other side of the planet to have its display screen replaced.  Considering the fact that the damn thing is less than 6 months old, I’m pretty psyched about that.  So until I get it back, no post.  Also SUCK IT BEST BUY!

Third, why I’m probably not going to do it soon, either:  I don’t have much time.  I am breifly back in Baltimore, and we all know what that means.  As a result, my free time is very limited.  I have also found myself running back and forth to DC several times for concerts (instead of catching the Baltimore show) because I bought the tickets before I knew I’d be in Charm City.  Last week, for example, I saw The Handsome Furs show at Black Cat (excellent, and happy anniversary you two) and tonight I am going to 9:30 to see Jack White’s other, other band, The Dead Weather.  (I’m excited, if not entirely sure what to expect, seeing as how I haven’t yet heard the album, which doesn’t come out until tomorrow… )

At any rate, I’ll try to find my way to the keyboard through the beer fueled haze that is my life in Baltimore, and start crapping out nonsense-that-nobody-reads soon.  In the mean time…

Check it to wreck it.

Hello Internet.  Have you missed me?  I have been away for quite a while.  Busy with things in the real world.  But don’t worry, baby.  Your the one I care about.  The one I want to be with.  The real world means nothing to me.  Not like you.  Its just…  sometimes I have needs that you can’t fill.  But you know I’ll always come back to you.

Get it?  Its like I’m a bad boyfriend or something.

Anyway, I don’t have a lot of time to write right now.  Just stopping in to say that my extended absence is nearly at an end.  And boy do I have a story to tell.  A story that involves dinosaurs, Civil War Soldiers, beef jerky, canoes, and a hat that’s more American than an eagle made of flags.

Yeah. More American than that.

Use your imagination, and I’ll be back soon to fill in the gaps.

Check it to wreck it.

Joe

I left San Diego at 10am yesterday and after 5 1/2 hours I’m in AZ visiting my dad, his very cool roommate, and her big ass German Shepard. These dogs rock. I think I want one of these instead of a Malamute now.

I flashed a peace sign as I passed the San Diego county line.. and much to my shagrin re-entered it only a minute later as the freeway through the mountains curved around. Figures.

Anyway, I’ve officially turned the page and begun a new chapter of my life. It’s pretty damn sweet. I’ve got a solid plan and some damn good friends waiting for me in DE.

Beards are Gay.

I’ve been on a beer tasting spree. While I have no idea how many types of beer Joe has tasted, I do realize that there is nothing but time to catch up.

What have I learned? I love beer. I love the way it tastes, I love the way it smells, and I love the way it makes me feel. I Love Beer. Plain and simple. It’s lovely. Give me Ale, give me Lager, give me Light, give me Dark, give me Beer please. Let my troubles melt away for a day and allow me to see eye to eye with my fellow man on any number of matters.

Beards are Gay.

Hello Potatojoy. Joe, I love this blog. It’s our outlet and it’s wonderful. Yes, I’m drunk as hell. I tend to only post on here whenI’m hammered, so it’s not only a good outlet but also a good insight into my own drunken self.

I’ll begin this with my own current pondering of who would win: Pissed off Panda Bear protecting her only young or one month starved Lion. You be the judge. I’m voting for starved Lion. At least if it has a mentally conrolled scientifically implanted laser weapon replacing it’s left eye.

Fucked up statement of the Month: As I was playing a video game with a friend “inFAMOUS” to be exact; We beat the game being completely good, so we decided to go back and be bad as hell. This means killing innocent people as much as possible and instead of having blue lightning regenerative powers, having badass red lightning damage dealing powers. Anyway, I made a comment as he ruthlessy murdered a pregnant woman, “What if you pull her unborn child out of her vagina and then rape her with it.” And he replies, not with a moment of hesitation, “What if I pull her unborn child out of her vagina, rape it, and then rape her with it.” to which, after helpless hillarious laughter I replied “well that would just be plain evil.”

My conclusion? I play too many video games, watch too much t.v., and drink too much beer. And I’m not ashamed. My imagination runs wild, completely and utterly wild, and I will never be ashamed of it.

Beards are gay

Two of my most favorite things on the face of this planet include (but are not limited to), live music and drunk girls. Both of these need no explanation.

So how the hell has our legion of readers been? Scotchy? *nod* I’m sittin’ here drinkin’ on a few beers and browsing various websites lookin’ for a breathalyzer. My beer consumption habits have changed dramatically as of late. Not the frequency in which it is imbibed rather the type of beer ingested.

As I was casually sashaying my way through the spirits aisle of my local produce establishment I perceived a subtle difference in my environs. Could this be? Yes, it’s a side door into the beer cooler proudly proclaiming in bold and colorful letters “Come in and browse our fine selection of local brews!”

You wish for me to partake in the regional breweries of my home!? My good man, I accept. So as I type I am tasting the beautiful delicacy that has graciously presented itself to me in the form of Coronado Brewing Co’s. Red Devil Imperial Red Ale.

“Red Devil is a full bodied Red Ale with deep roasted caramel flavors, subtle hints of chocolate, an assertive hop presence and a lasting finish.”

I definitely have acertained the roasted caramel, the subtle hint of chocolate and the undeniable hops. Normally I avoid a strong hoppy beer. Being the open minded man that I am I gave it a chance and boy am I glad that I did. I am absolutely in love with this beer. When they say lasting finish they mean it. The roasted caramel is what sticks the most. It’s been a full 10 minutes since I finished my 1 pint sample and I still taste a little bit of roasted caramel on my pallet.

Beards are gay