Alright, so I still haven’t come up with any new posts.

Post by Joe

I know I said I would, and I haven’t.  I am a terrible person.  And I really must apologize to the half dozen or so people who accidentally come across this site while looking for Jurassic Park 4 info.  

First of all, sorry that your here.  Other than the fact that I tag almost every post with “Jurassic Park 4″ and mention “Jurassic Park 4″ repeatedly on this site, I have no idea why search engines continue to make that mistake.    Jurassic Park 4.

Secondly, I must apologize to you for the lack of new content.  This is at least the second consecutive post I have written specifically about the fact that I have not written any new content.  Although, come to think of it, that does technically count as new content.  That’s called irony*, ladies and gentlemen, and it is the highest form of comedy.

At any rate, I am still alive, and if I manage to keep my New Year’s resolution (to not succumb to alcohol poisoning on New Year’s Eve) then I will still be alive tomorrow.

At any rate, I have a few ideas bouncing around, and I plan to flesh them out in the new year.  And I may even get Dave to start posting again.  (He co-authors this blog, although you couldn’t tell by reading it.)  

So hold on to your hats, Potato Joy fans!  2009 is sure to include more inappropriate profanity, more references to my excessive drinking, more unfulfilled promises for content, and many many more misdirected searches for “Jurassic Park 4.”

*That’s not irony.

 

Happy New Year.  Be safe, don’t drink and drive, and as always,

Check it to wreck it.

L.A.Z.Y. I ain’t got no aliby…

Post by Joe

OK, so last week I was at a conference in Cambridge, MD (more on that later) and the hotel wanted to charge me $10 a day for Internet access.  So screw that.  As for why I didn’t update in the weeks prior to that?  Well, read the title of the post.  I don’t have a decent excuse, I just didn’t.  Lucky this blog has a co-author to pick up my slack.

 So like I said, I was in Cambridge, MD.  

That’s right, THE Cambridge, MD.  Crown jewel of the section of the eastern shore of Maryland that lies south of Easton and north of Salisbury.  Birthplace of Arizona Diamondbacks player Troy Brohawn.  Home to a Walmart AND a Denny’s.  A party town if there ever was one.  And while I won’t go into any of the debauchery that definitely happened (it totally did) I will quote you this wikipedia stat: “For every 100 females age 18 and over, there [are] 78.9 males.”  I like thoes odds.  

So anyway, I promised all you readers an update a while back to include more photoshopping fun.  I do still plan to deliver on that promise I made to both of you, but it may be a while.  I depends on how early in the day I drag myself out of bed tomorrow.  You see, I’ll be home for the holidays, and all my photoshopping is saved on this computer.  If I get moving enough to get the stuff I want to post uploaded, then you’ll be in luck.  If not, well then you get whatever garbage I drunkenly decide to post instead of spending time with the family.

Check it to wreck it

It’s cool, Baby…

Post by Joe

Hey all.  Sorry I havn’t posted in a while.  Been a bit busy.  But a new post is tots on the way.  And with more PHOTOSHOPPING!!

For thoes of you in the DC area, this weekend is the 10th annual “Santa Stumble.”  If you like drinking, costumes, christmas, and traumatizing area children, then this is right up your alley.  Maybe I’ll see you there (I’ll be the one dressed as Santa).

Check it to wreck it.

Obama is the Best President EVER!

Post by Joe

OK, so that may be a little be presumptuous, seeing as how he won’t take office for about a month and a half.  But I don’t care.  Barack Obama is the greatest president ever.

Why do I say this?  Well, for one, I live in Northern VA, and I want to say it before inauguration day turns D.C. and the surrounding area into an absolute madhouse for which I will resent him for the duration of his term.

Secondly, I, like many in the area, have inauguration day off.  And with January 20th falling on a Tuesday, the Tuesday immediately following MLK Jr. Day (Jan 19th FYI), I get a 4 day weekend.  So Boohyah!

And last, but not least, I say it because I love to drink.  You see, D.C. is expecting an influx of approximately 4 million people.  And what do you do with 4 million sober people with nothing to do?  You get them wasted, of course.  And so as a result of the forcasted mass-migration, D.C. has decided to extend last call in the city until 5 am from January 17th until the morning of January 21st.  And in addition, the bars themselves can stay open 24 hours a day.  I don’t know exactly when first call is (I’m hoping around 5:15 am) but still, you can’t argue with that.

Now, its not all good news.  D.C. Metro has decided to react to the predicted throngs of people by extending service by 1 hour.  And only on the day off.  But at least it will be free.  So to those of you who have to work on Monday or Tuesday: Good News!  Not only do you have to deal with the normal traffic (arguably some of the worst in the country) but you get to add to that roughly 4 million tourists AND the just-after-last-call crowd.  Have fun!

In closing, I would just like to say that regardless of whom you voted for, there is one thing we can all agree on:

Politics be damned, you can’t argue with beer.

 

Check it to wreck it.

100 Hits in One Day. Holly Friggin’ Crap!

Post by Joe

Damn.  I mean, I know most people are getting sent here based on misdirected search results, but seriously, 100 in one day?  SOMEBODY must have come here on purpose, right?

Are people actually reading this thing?

Maybe I should go back and delete all those threats I posted to the various government officials….

 

If you read, thanks!  If not,  maybe you should try already?

Check it to wreck it!

Halloween in Fells Point Part 2. The Photographs: Memories or Evidence?

Post by Joe

When we left the our story, I had just awaken on November 1st with no memory of the night before.  At first perplexed, I soon remembered I had had a camera with me the previous night.  To the developer I ran!  And a few hours later I had my pictures back.  

We now join our story, already in progress…

Palms sweating, lip quivering, I opened the envelope.  I felt the rush of anxious anticipation.  I finally had the final clue.  The last piece of the puzzle.  Or so I though…

Like an archeaologist pouring over the broken shards of pottery from a civilization long dead, the pieces now lay before me.  But for every answer, a thousand new questions.  What had happened last night?

The Good

Exhibit 1

OK.  That’s not too bad.  A bunch of the people I went out with, dressed as the cast of Big Lebowski.  I remember this.  We have the Cowboy, the Dude, Viking Maude, Walter (me) and, The Jesus.  We all grouped up for a “cast” shot before heading to Fells Point.  The memories, albiete fuzzy, are begining to return.

Moving on….

 

Exhibit 2

Thats nice.  Some more Lebowski family fun.  Seems like this must have been a pretty tame evening…

 

 

Exhibit 3

  Ah.  I think I’m starting to see where the things went amiss…

 

The Bad

Exhibit 4

OK.  I don’t actually remember this, but let me see if I can name these people.  From right to left, we have my brother as Fred Flintstone, his girlfriend as Wilma, some other dude as shorter Fred, and last we have Creepy Barney.

Exhitbit 4.1: Creepy Barney

 

Exhibit 5.1

Exhibit 5.2

Exhibit 5.3

I don’t know any of the people in any of those photos.  I guess that’s not too unusual, right?  I mean, a night on the town, your sure to snap at least ONE picture of a guy dressed like Castro, right? 

 

Exhibit 6

My friends parents.  I’ll say that again.  My. Friends. Parents.  Amidst the debauchery that is Halloween at Fells Point.  Dressed as Colonel Sanders and a chicken.  There is a dirty joke burried in there, and I’ll thank you all not to make it.  Like I said, these are my friends parents.  Also, if I know them as well as I think I do, they knew it and they did it on purpose.

 

The Ugly

Exhibit 7.1

Exhibit 7.2

Exhibit 7.3

 

OK.  So Wilma Flintstone with a robot, a hoola hoop dancer, and some dude in a dress.  Thats all strange, but not that strange.  I mean, it was Halloween.  I was hoping for something really weird.  Show me something crazy.

 

Exhibit 8

Ah, thats better.  

 

Exhibit 9

Whoa.  OK, I don’t even know what that is.  Bite me?  I love….  something.  I have no idea what is going on there, but there is no way anything crazier than that happened.  Right?

 

Exhibit 10

I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.  

In fact, you know what?  Maybe some things are better left a mystery.

 

Happy Halloween.

Check it to wreck it.