Post by Dave
Every so often throughout the history of mankind a foodstuff has surfaced that has shown us, through pure ubiquity, its immense usefulness and dedication to our stomachs, health (both mental and physical) and well being. Yes, I’m suggesting that The Potato has done this on purpose.
Anyone who doesn’t enjoy Potatoes is stupid and possibly a homosexual. Here’s 10 reasons why.
1. The Potato will one day cure cancer. Nobody knows it yet or really has any idea how, why, when or what The Potato is waiting for, but it will.
2. The Potato will provide clean energy and solve the world energy crisis. It can already power a single light bulb. Scientists are working fervently on expanding upon this base.
3. Tater Tots, Hash Browns and French Fries.
4. Potatoes fight crime. A recent survey has shown that those who eat Potatoes are 10 times less likely to wind up in prison than those who don’t. The consumption of Potatoes envokes a sense of euphoria and well being amongst those who enjoy them. Those who are denied access to potatoes commonly turn to a life of crime in order to raise money for the purchase of Potatoes. Those who have gone without Potatoes for more than a few weeks commonly turn to Potato theft, a crime that is rapidly becoming considered far worse than infanticide.
5. Theologists, Archeologists and Researchers have recently uncovered a stone tablet on top of Mt. Sinai that shows evidence of God revising The Ten Commandments. The 8th Commandment was changed to Thou Shalt Not Steal, Especially Potatoes.
6. Potatoes are a sound choice for any meal at any time of the day.
7. Potatoes increase sexual potency.
8. A Potato once selflessly rolled through traffic to save a lost child. That child later ate the Potato and went on in life to aid in the creation of Nuclear Power. It can also safely be assumed that Potatoes played a key role in ending WW2. Who was this lost child? None other than Albert Einstein.
9. It wasn’t an apple that fell upon Newtons head, it was a Potato. What was that Potato doing in a tree? Mind your own business.
10. It has been proven that all creatures on this Earth have a distinct call meaning “I’ve found Potatoes.” Even creatures who were previously thought to be unable to make any audible noises. Scientists are unable to discern where these noises come from or why, much like a ducks quack, these sounds do not echo.
1 response so far ↓
DEsturbed // May 8, 2008 at 12:53 am
but what of the great potato genocide….i speak not of people killing potatoes but of potatoes killing people…..for seven years the potato crop would fail in Ireland leaving many people to starve and die….now i have stated a many a time before that the Irish were a bit stupid to let this happen…being an island people they should probably known how to fish…not to mention being people that lived on “land” growing something else in the soil could have worked…but being Irish myself i must despise the potato for this monstrosity…this most famous blight known as The Great Hunger, The Great Famine and The Irish Potato Famine was not the only instance in which this tuber has tried to kill off my people….
to continue and finish the potato is not in its natural form that amazing…the chip, the fry and even the twice baked, all being amazing forms had to be changed from the original sub-standard vegetable